1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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