the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You took a bar mat shot.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
