Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
