happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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