You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
