How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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