I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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