I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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