dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
barbara walters just said penis...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
