I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
