life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
