i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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