at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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