she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
