i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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