hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
