I love black thongs
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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