my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
