video games are the ultimate cock blocker
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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