I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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