Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
