I feel great
I just peed on a car
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You ruined the universe
Randomize
