Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
