Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
