okay pat passed out under dana's car
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
