I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
