I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
