I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
