Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
we have pet lesbian snakes
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
