I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
