dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
