This is not my ceiling
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
