she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
