A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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