I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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