You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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