You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
