im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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