The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
