sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
