so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
