Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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