apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
