1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
