Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
