JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
