We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Pants are for mortals
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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