I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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