i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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