Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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