I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
